Talk:Maria Altmann
complex word(s): refugee, reclaiming
 | This article contains a translation of Maria Altmann from en.wikipedia. |
Notes for improvements
complex word(s): refugee, reclaiming
important terms not linked: refugee, art, painting, Gustav Klimt
You don't need to give Altmann's birth name in an article this short. If you kept the infobox from the enwiki article, you could include it there.
The second sentence is too long: divide it into two or three shorter ones. The parts of it should probably be in a different order as well, to show the order in which things happened (family owning the paintings, the paintings being stolen, and the Altmann getting the paintings back)
Instead of the category "Austrian people", use the category for the specific city Altmann is from. We should be as specific as possible with this kind of category.
The article has an "unsourced" tag, but the original enwiki article has sources. Take that tag off and add a source, either from the enwiki article or from somewhere else.
- Removed the unsourced tags, made other improvements on the article. Anything else needed? Angela Maureen (talk) 23:34, 22 August 2014 (UTC)
- That was very good work! I just see a couple of things now:
- The paintings weren't owned by Gustav Klimt. They were painted by him. They were owned by Altmann's family.
- The sentence "Five paintings were stolen by Nazis during World War II" doesn't seem related to anything. At that point in the article, the reader doesn't know why he/she should care about the paintings. The part about Altmann's family owning them should be either in this sentence or in a sentence before this one.
- Other than that, good work! --Auntof6 (talk) 00:20, 23 August 2014 (UTC)
- Reorganized the article. Any more? Angela Maureen (talk) 00:28, 23 August 2014 (UTC)
- That was very good work! I just see a couple of things now:
- Yes. You didn't take care of the second item above, about saying why we care about the paintings. You need to say that they were owned by Altmann's family, and you need to say that before you say that the paintings were stolen. Just putting the word "family" in the last sentence of the first paragraph doesn't do it. --Auntof6 (talk) 02:23, 23 August 2014 (UTC)
- I got those facts included. Anything else needed? Angela Maureen (talk) 12:20, 23 August 2014 (UTC)
- Adding it into the existing sentence made that sentence long again. Put it in a separate sentence. --Auntof6 (talk) 02:59, 24 August 2014 (UTC)
- I divided the sentence. Is that good enough? Angela Maureen (talk) 03:14, 24 August 2014 (UTC)
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A couple of things now:
- There were more than 5 paintings, but Altmann only got 5 of them back. Change the wording to show that. (This is another example of you changing the facts when you simplify.)
- The sentence that starts "There were five paintings" is complex. Try changing it to start with "Altmann's family owned".
--Auntof6 (talk) 06:51, 24 August 2014 (UTC)
- Changed the sentence to start with "Altmann's family owned". Is that good enough? Angela Maureen (talk) 14:21, 24 August 2014 (UTC)
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